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04 August 2012 @ 01:43 am

Heyo~  This is 

jenna_chanoff in lala land.  This journal is mainly where I'll ramble about my characters and more than likely spam a lot of crap.  So if you don't want to see crap, you should walk away now.  

o: It'll be friend locked! So comment on this post to weasel your way in. <3



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02 September 2008 @ 12:01 pm
SO, I've not fallen off the face of the earth.  I'm still amongst the living and breathing. 

Moving into the new house is totally not all its cracked out to be, but it's going...slowly  but surely.  I've managed to pull my bedroom together for the most part.  I'll take pictures eventually and post them here. <3 The kitchen is completely put together with new stainless steel appliances ; ; <33 I love my kitchen so much.  New floors and carpet were put in everywhere~ So it's awesome.

I've been sick lately. Had some kind of strep last week and now all of a sudden I have this cold like thing that my mom had.  Not really running a fever or anything anymore, just lots of problems with my throat and what not.  Granted, it could just be the changing of the seasons and what not.  Yayyyy allergies.

Con is coming up next week.  I'm not really sure what all it is I'll be doing there or w hatever, but there will be copious amounts of pictures...so no worries there.  I'm not even sure if I'll dress up this year or just take it easy.  .__.  Kind of strange how I used to get all excited about dressing up and now I could give a fuck-all less.  I guess part of that has to do with the overwhelming amount of stress and the fact that everyone just bails on me whenever we start to make plans.  Whatever....Meh.

Uh...what else.  I've been writing and drawing a lot more. I'll be sure to post things sometime later.  Hopefully all my random net issues will be taken care of in some short order so I can bother people more often.

I'm sorry for being gone so often. ^^;

Lately though, it's strange.  I feel more distant than ever quite honestly, but at the same time, I really don't feel like I've been missed at all.  It's kind of strange, realizing that you're disposable to a large quantity of people you considered your friends.  And there's also something I've been talking to Luca about a lot lately and that's this overwhelming sense of loneliness that I've been feeling a lot more prominently and frequently.  It kind of weirds me out that I've given up on myself that easily, but people never tell me much of anything to try and make it better. 

Like, with Luca, she was talking about getting back together with her ex, who is a complete and utter douchefag, and I keep telling her to wait because someone better will be there.  She'll find someone amazing because that's what she deserves, but she's feeling so lonely that she just wants to be with someone.  Sure, I know a lot of people have felt like that, but this guy was a complete and utter ass to her and even her family is turned against him and stuff for what he did.  I just don't understand how I can give her all these examples and words of encouragement...and she offers me nothing in return.

Is it that I'm that easy to leave behind and I just don't realize it?  Am I making myself out to be a bigger deal than I really am?  I'm really beginning to believe I live in this kind of warped mentality that I'm actually worth something to people and then they dump me off whenever the hell it's convenient.  It completely frustrates me to no end when people tell me to think more of myself...when people don't give me much to think about in the first place.   It's like being a blank face and you can have whatever you want reflected back on the features. Granted, I've gone through this whole sort of identity crisis before.  More often than not, I feel like a paper doll that gets passed around and everyone else can just stick whatever they want on her...which is fine, since I know that we all kind of go through this thing where we change our mannerisms around new people and different groups, but for me...I'm not even sure what the hell I really am to anyone, nor do I have firm ground under my feet.

Then I start talking like this and I think about some of the friends I do have...the ones that have stuck by me regardless and made me feel like I was worth something to them.  Worth the time and effort to ask how MY day was instead of merely being brushed over...and I feel terrible for thinking the way I do.  Surely I mean something to someone, but I'm not sure when that line is actually crossed.  Is there a difference between being important to someone and being their friend?  And even in that decision, is there not one that you're a friend or merely an acquaintance with impeccable timing and placement?

It's a never-ending labyrinth of questions that I'm not even sure I know the answers to.   I don't really think anyone does.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
09 August 2008 @ 12:23 pm

The beginning of some awesome retardation.   This is just a random....five page blathering of nothing in particular other than Bets and I rambling at eachother and needing something to do yesterday.  So we took our little reject DGM characters and tossed them into their own idiotic motions.

Oh I love them so~  o: More to come soon enough <3  Moving and all that~
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Animal I Have Become- Three Days Grace